The Rat and the Cat

  No, not another poem, or a whimsical story about a rat and a cat who become friends. No, this is about trying to outsmart one of the cleverer and more numerous animals on the planet.
  The Spring holiday began two weeks ago, with a sigh of relief and a long list. We got as far as digging some of the allotment before it started- the sound of scurrying above the bedroom. Maybe it's the sparrows, we hoped. We'd been seeing them roosting in our gutter. Sounds a bit heavy footed for birds, think I. We'll sort it out next week, says the OH, obviously unconcerned, and with no sense of urgency whatever. Hmm, think I. Well, I'm not going to look, as if I don't look, it can't be what I think it is, can it?
  A few days later, the P&J advises he's heard something in the roof of his bedroom and his other room (I can't really call it his playroom any more. He's seventeen soon). Dad is at work. The P&J and I are brave. We decide to go up into the attic to have a look. Our worse fears are confirmed. And it isn't a mouse. There's no damage, just droppings, and two obvious entrances in the insulation. We have an unwelcome visitor.

  My fears are confirmed even more when I come back from shopping and find a wood pigeon sharing the bird food with a brown rat. The rat scarpers into my neighbour's garden as I come through the gate. The pigeon carries on eating, oblivious.
  I relay the news to the OH and take him on a tour of the rat droppings. I show him where they're getting in. I relay to him what information I have gleaned from the internet. They are not going to go quietly, or voluntarily. And we need to empty the attic out.
  While I'm waiting for the weekend to arrive and the OH to ferry me around to get what we need to deal with the problem, I try a few recommendations from others who've had a similar problems. I try the sonic alarms. They might work, if you have enough of them, and nothing in your attic to get in the way of your sound beam. The cat didn't like them, and the activity did diminish, concentrating in the area over my bedroom. I threw a couple of bottles of peppermint around as well, while I was at it.
  The bird feeders have been removed. The sparrows are not amused and the wood pigeons are visibly panicking. Sunday, we do a thorough inspection and are of the opinion our visitors are getting in through the roof somewhere.
  I ring our local Pied Piper ( his name's Joe) for advice. He is very helpful and agrees we need to stop them/ it getting in before we do anything else. He advises us to use scrunched up chicken wire to block any holes.
  We get the ladder out. The OH holds on to it while I go up. I stuff the gaps under the tiles with chicken wire. I make carefully crafted cones of chicken wire to block access to the roof via the down pipes. We do all of the back and the bit above the  porch (very scary), before calling it a day, as the next bit needs cutting back first.
  We have an night of no visitors. Are we on the right track? I'm on tenterhooks next morning. Am I hearing things? There's no scurrying, but there are... sounds. Little bangs, mostly, and right in the eaves.
  We have coffee in the living room. The P&J reports he's heard nothing. Maybe we've cracked it. Then there is a thud on the widow sill. A brown rat has just landed there, evidently on his way down from the roof. He steadies himself before jumping off and running into my neighbour's garden. Has the little bugger been trying to get in, and that's what I'd been hearing?
  The rat is quite brazen. He's climbing the tree in my front yard and I'm only a few feet away from him. My brother-in-law advises me rats are very short sighted. This is to be proved a few hours later.
  I'm watching the rat from a bedroom window. He's found something to eat and is sat bold as brass in my front garden munching. Suddenly, Jemara the Cat wanders into the yard. She  freezes. She has seen him, but he hasn't noticed her. She slinks under the car. Rat is oblivious. Slowly, her body slunk low, and looking uncannily like a walking rug, the cat inches nearer. The rat looks up. Jemara freezes. Rat continues looking for more food. He looks up. Again, Jemara stops, statue still. I'm beginning to wish I could video this, she's that good. Never will my kids not understand what "still as a statue" means, if they could see that cat. It is open ground she's covering, and the rat is oblivious.

  Finally, when the cat is barely a foot away, the rat notices her and bolts. But Jemara knows he's there now. She sits waiting, carefully changing her position every now and then, watching. She was watching for him next day, and I expect she's watching tonight. She may be fifteen years old and have only two teeth in her head, but she's got her eye on Rat now.

  Today, we finished blocking holes. We also discovered a broken roof tile, which explains why the P&J wall socket went bang- water is getting into the wall. Another thing to sort out. The OH was very brave and went onto the roof to try and deny Rat any kind of access.
  The garden has been cleared of rubbish and the compost bins decommissioned. We are using the wormery, which is sealed top and bottom. When we're happy we've denied Rat all access, the traps are going down. I was told peanut butter or chocolate are the best baits. Chocolate, hey? A moment of bliss and then SNAP! In your dreams, Rat. You're not having any of my chocolate!