#Gardening Tales- Prickles, vinegar and missing cucumbers

It was a gardening day today. Well, it was after we'd been out for lunch (all three of us, shock, horror!). All right, not so much gardening as clearing up and moving things around so I can get the next part of the garden under way. That meant being on hands and knees, and gloves on. Yes, gloves on, because cutting back my neighbour's jungle means there are a lot of prickles lying in the piles of debris.
 I shifted most of it, and then moved some of the bigger logs/limbs of the apple tree along the edge of what I laughingly call a lawn, before chucking the rest of the wood onto one big pile- the "to be dealt with" pile, if you like. I dug up all the encroaching vines that I could see, that were trying to tunnel in from next-door's garden, planted a rosemary shrub and replanted a lavender that wasn't doing too well in its current location.
 I've have sprayed the encroaching bind weed with spirit of white vinegar, would you believe, which I read somewhere was an effective and less toxic weed killer. I have to say, the bindweed was looking a little sadder today, so I gave it another spray, just for luck, and I'll tell you how it goes.
  The  kitchen garden is beginning to look the part, with the early planting looking like it's paying off. The potatoes, in particular, are looking impressive. I shall be bitterly disappointed if I don't get some decent spuds from it. My two crows are keeping an eye on them, as you can see.

Beetroot, carrot and parsnip are all up (albeit in the company of an errant potato), the spinach is looking lush, and my last surviving Chinese cabbage is still hanging in there. The onions have sprouted and will be growing until mid-June, when they'll start to fatten up- I hope.

 The pepper, aubergines and tomatoes are happily growing in the greenhouse, as are the squashes and the peas and beans- which are currently germinating in the greenhouse because something kept nicking the seed. That was a problem on the allotment as well- it always took several attempts to get the beans and peas going. There is, I have to tell you, still no sign of the cucumbers. After the glut of last year, it would appear- well nothing. That's the problem; nothing is appearing. It's not my favourite food, so I'm not too bothered about it.

 What we could do with now is a good day of rain- we haven't had any for a while. My dear husband (no, I still haven't found him a little job, or friends that like to go out and do things) advises me Winter is revisiting us for the next few days. I can't see anything to indicate that on the weather forecast (it's a balmy 9 deg C tonight), so I assume he managed to watch the Scottish weather by mistake. Or possibly Norway (snow was mentioned). We'll see, won't we.

Birthdays, mortality and a spanking new camera

  I'm expecting another birthday to stop by soon. No, I won't tell you how old I am- let's just say I've stopped taking any notice of who's got what Olympics or World Cup now, because I may not actually be around for those- and that's before we factor in the numerous idiots  currently in charge of some very large arsenals of rather worrying weapons.
 But I digress (it's an age thing.). The OH, bless him, flush with his retirement payout, bought me an early birthday present, in the form of a Nikon L340, as I'd been moaning about the lack of a decent camera. Consequently, I've been out and about testing it and getting myself familiar with the functions, etc- particularly the zoom (28X) and the macro.
 I was hoping to get some really good wildlife shots with such a good zoom capacity, forgetting my previous experiences with zoom lenses and that you need a tripod to use it to it's full extent.

 I'd like to tell you I dusted the old tripod down, but I didn't. Yep, I have no shame- I went out with a mucky tripod. But, you'll be pleased to hear, I only went into the back-yard, so it's only you and me who know about it, and I'm not going to tell anyone else. I've spent the afternoon trying to capture video of the bird-life in the garden, which is quite rich, but only the blackbirds and robins wanted to play.
 I made it into a video, using Openshot Video Editor, which tried my patience by crashing several times and losing my work. I learned quickly to save each stage. If you like robins  and blackbirds particularly, you'll find it on YouTube, or possibly here, if I can remember how to post a video. Oops- there you go. Blackbird and Robin. Oh, and by the way- I've cleaned the tripod now.                                                                                

Getting Techie with Facebook...not

 I took the plunge. Having read how so-and-so spent x amount of $/£ promoting their book/blog/facebook pages/whatever and three hours later they had six squillion new followers/customers, I thought I'd take the plunge and try a Facebook ad.
  I took the modest option. All right, the cheapest option. £4.00 a day for 7 days, trying to encourage more than just my dog to join my mailing list. I'm offering a free copy of Vernon the Pirate, which is not to be sniffed at, in my view. It is an epic and lengthy poem and a darn good yarn to boot.
 But on to the ad. Not a lot of instruction. Some of it, you have to guess why nothing's happening when you click next. And sooo slooow. I checked with the P&J. No, the internet was fine- least-ways, the bit he was using was. Other web pages were acting as you would hope. But Facebook's business page? Soo slooow!
  About every three letters (yes, letters, not even words) everything would stop while the page reloaded. Sometimes I could only get away with a space. Half an hour two write three sentences. Then it asked me what places I wanted to target. I thought of all the English speaking countries, and ended up with Austin, Texas as one of my prime targets. Why? Predictive text- I'd started typing Australia after I'd clicked on United States, so Facebook decided I wanted Austin, Texas, USA. Hate predictive text.
 Then it was time to pay. Waiting and waiting for the page to load. Then I'm presented with two options- Paypal or direct debit. I've no idea what my Paypal details are, so I take direct debit. Eventually I manage to complete the form in a manner that the system will accept. The direct debit will take up to 6 days to process. Would I like to pay by another method- such as my credit card, my preferred method of payment on-line. Why didn't you give me that option in the first place? And no, I am not going to give you my credit card details when you've just taken my bank account details. I know, I just know you'll end up taking the money out of both of them.
 Anyway, I received an e-mail from Facebook confirming a direct debit will be set up within 6 days, and then, presumably, the ad will go live over 7 days. And we'll see if there is any result. Try back here in a couple of weeks and I'll tell you if it was worth the time or money. 

And see this to the left? Don't try clicking on it. It doesn't work. If you want your free copy of Vernon the Pirate, click top right of the page, where it says Subscribe to Our Mailing List. And then, all together- AH-HARR!

#GardeningTales Easter?! Already?

 I'm really looking forward to the Easter hols. It's my favourite break. There's plenty that needs doing outside, and there's such a sense of achievement when the garden has been tidied up, and things you planted in hope rather than expectation all start coming up. And there's always a chance the weather will be just perfect- for drying, for painting, for gardening.
  The window man has been to measure up for two more double-glazed units, and on Wednesday, some chap called Warren is calling round to give me a quote for installing solar panels. Well, I figure as I'm only getting about £20 a year from my savings, I might as well invest them in something that not only will save me money, but might make me a little, too.
  The potatoes are coming up, but are under random attack from what I suspect is another one of our furry friends. I've been leaving him slices of sweet potato in the hope it will at least spoil his appetite.
 The garlic and the shallots are also looking good, and the teeny tiny carrots and parsnips are just emerging. The onions are also starting to green, and if the slugs don't get them, the beetroot are emerging too.

 The peppers, aubergines and tomatoes are in their pots and looking healthy, though there's still no sign of the  cucumbers and the slugs have had all the Chinese cabbage. And the rhubarb- well, that's looking so good, I don't want to pick it.
  It's going to be a bit of an experiment for a couple of years, this kitchen garden, but I don't half feel the pressure's off, now I've given up the allotment. Apparently it's been converted, along with the site next to  it, to plots for the disabled. Which is nice.

 To keep my neighbour's perennially encroaching  garden at bay, we have invested in a hedge trimmer. I've never had one before, mainly because I've never owned a hedge- but it's ideal for cutting back thickly growing foliage of an indeterminate nature. The yew has now (mostly) been cut free from the clutches of Clive's garden, and so probably has the apple tree, but we'll have to hope for a decent gale to blow the unwanted bits out before we'll know for sure. I can't see any other safe way to remove it at the moment. Tomorrow, I think, will be a feet-up day, to catch up on a bit of reading, or maybe some writing...she laughed hysterically. By the way, did I tell you
  Barry and the Dinosaur King is out on the 6th of April? And that it will also available as a paperback from Amazon. And that Growned,the FREE eBOOK, is also available as a paperback from Amazon? Just thought I'd mention it.

#Gardening Tales- things are going in and coming up

It's going surprisingly well. I can't say I've been out there every minute of the day, but it's steady progress. The seeds I planted in January and a couple of weeks ago have come up- except the aubergines. They've been hiding, but a gentle brushing away of the compost found them all curled up and ready to sprout. I'm expecting them to make an appearance at the end of the week. To be on the safe side, I've planted a few more and left them covered in the greenhouse, along with some cucumber and chilli peppers. I'm running out of window sills inside. I'm not sure what's happened to the sweet peppers, so I've planted some fresher seed where the cherry tomato seedlings were.
  The cherry tomatoes are doing well. I've just transplanted a dozen or so into their individual pots and put them back on the window sill. You may think I'm a bit early, but last year, by the time the tomatoes had got going, the season was over, so I'm trying them a little earlier to see if I get a greater yield.
 I'm trying the peas around the potatoes/ garlic. It's getting a bit  crowded, but they've all had a big dollop of compost and I think, so long as I keep an eye on things, they should be okay. I've left one end open so light gets to everything. It's a kitchen garden and a new project. I'll have to experiment to see what works if I'm to grow everything I want to.
 I'm on the downhill run of the hacking back. All the big limbs I wanted to remove are down and there are only about half a dozen smaller branches I need to remove. That should keep my sister in firewood for quite a bit. The

thinning out isn't just to make areas lighter- it's mainly been driven by the need to stop my neighbour's wild garden  taking over mine.
  The shallots have gone into the shallow bed- yellow and red ones, half a dozen of each. I'm not sure if they have enough room, but again, I'm experimenting. We'll see how it goes and tweak it next year (yes, I am keeping notes).
  I now have two butternut squashes and two courgettes. I've no idea where I'm going to put them, but I'm sure I'll find a space. I hope they're bush versions, not trailing.
 A scattering of rocket seed has gone into one of the sections in the herb bed. I think there's some parsley in another part, and something that looks dead but might not be, so I'll leave it a little longer to make sure.
  There will be other things being planted, and then we'll have to wait for the damn things to grow, and I do find myself getting impatient, waiting until we pick our first crop. And then there's the excitement when you see the first burgeoning pepper or tomato, pick the first rocket or spinach, have your first meal made with entirely home grown produce; I don't think I'll ever tire of that. Lugging great bags of compost around, I get tired of that- but making a good fist of growing my own? I don't think I'll ever get tired of that.
 We're out tonight (wedding anniversary and the OH's first day officially retired). We're off to Aqua, whatever that is. Apparently they have a vegan menu, with three-THREE!!- choices of starter, main and pudding. Well, no, they've only got 2 choices for pudding, but one of them isn't an iced fruit sorbet. How exciting. I'll have a choice.
  Tomorrow I'm going to try to finish the pruning. The OH wants to help. I think I'll need to find him a little part time job, preferably to coincide with my days off, otherwise the next thing he'll be doing is "offering" me advice. Fortunately, there's sufficient garden rubbish to be disposed of tomorrow, which should keep him busy. Then perhaps I could find him a walking group or charity work- something to keep him busy while I get on with the important stuff...

Gardening Tales- a Little Hint of Spring

  As we drag ourselves through the last few days of January wondering what the Hell just happened to the world, what should occur but a perfect gardening day. Not too cold, but fresh, bright and sunny; and I've had a record 10(ish) hours sleep and, despite a burgeoning cold, felt unusually full of vim and vigour, even after lugging two bags of  shopping home from Waitrose. I brought no school work home with me, determined that, whatever the weather, I was going to get something done on my day off. Today I was going to start on my kitchen garden. Those of you who have followed the reports of my horticultural exploits may have noticed this is Gardening Tales, not Allotment Tales. This is because I have given up the allotment, having come again to the conclusion I drew every year, but never acted upon- which was, it's not worth the effort. Or, to be more accurate, the effort needs more than the time I've got. Commitments are spreading me too thin, so something had to go, and go it did.
   Out I went, then, with what I thought was my old pair of walking boots on, but turned out to be my new pair. But what the Hell- when am I going to get up a mountain, or even a hill, without two strong lads and a couple of huskies to help me?
  So, being of a certain age, where stamina is something I only remember, like John Noakes on Blue Peter, or Noggin the Nog ( for the benefit of any non-British readers, these were children's programmes, not what you're thinking), I had to break the jobs up, with five to ten minutes on each one, then start again. Therefore it was 5 minutes sawing in the apple tree, then drag a bag of compost to the site of the kitchen garden, dig the bed for 5 minutes or so, fill planters, take the cranesfoot

up to the other end of the garden, saw a bit more of the tree, lug a bag of compost over to the bed, etc. After three hours, I had dug two-thirds of the bed, filled two planters and sawn off three limbs (of the apple tree, not me. I mean, that would just be silly, as the best outcome would be that I would fall over, having, at most, just the one leg left).
 So there it is, my new kitchen garden, all ready (well, two-thirds) for planting- when I decide what I'm going to plant there. The rhubarb is already sprouting, which is rather brave of it, given that it's still January and it's been the coldest winter for some time in this neck of the woods. I put the potatoes and the garlic in the big raised bed last week, and put tomatoes, courgettes, butternut squashes, onions, chives, lettuce and other odds and ends into trays and pots that are now on my widow sill. The cherry tomatoes sprouted yesterday.
  A good and timely start then, and something I can tick off my list of things that need to be done. It will be interesting to see if having my "allotment" in my

backyard will result in a better quality and/or greater quantity  of crops this year. It'll take a little bit of experimenting to see what grows well and what doesn't.
 And, finally, sorry- I was talking rubbish; I can't possibly have one leg left if I'd cut off three limbs- I'd need one arm to do the cutting, wouldn't I? Duh! So, I'll see you again when I've got something more interesting than sleeping to talk about. Hope you enjoyed Noggin the Nog!

Will the P&J make it to the Weekend?

So it's Wednesday, my day off, and I'm sitting here with a pile of ten folders awaiting my attention, three of which I updated before losing the will to live.Then the P&J comes in, hot and sweaty from his bike ride, as only teenagers can be. Nearly knocked off the bike again, he informs me. It's obviously the New Years resolution of our local psychotic drivers to try and enhance the look of their vehicles with the blood of some random cyclist.
 The Monday just gone, having cycled home myself and then staggered upstairs with my cup of herbal and a peanut butter butty, looking forward to getting my poor feet off the floor and possibly a power nap, I was interrupted by a phone call from said sweaty teenager, advising me he was at the police station, having been smacked into and then knocked off his bike by some impatient twit in a van. He starts ranting on about the #!?# who knocked him over and then drove off, before speculating about the damage to the bike (or, rather, my bike, as he's currently borrowing my old racer while his is in for repairs and an upgrade), before I manage to interrupt him. "Are you hurt," I  lever sideways into the "conversation" . No. Just bumps and scrapes, and a bloody attitude.
  It remains to be seen if North Somerset's best are able to have a chat with the culprit of this villainous act. A chap in a BMW, coming the other way, saw the incident and stopped to see if the P&J was all right (despite him lying in the road, the rest of the traffic just passed the P&J by, probably with a sigh and a tut at the inconvenience of having to drive round him). Alan (the chap in the BMW- pay attention) gave the P&J his details, should a witness be required and offered him his bus fare to get him home, and it is something of a revelation to learn that not all BMW drivers are prats. Fortunately, the bike was viable, so the P&J continued on his way.
  Should North Somerset's finest be bothered to make enquiries, the whole incident was captured on the P&J's bike-cam, including the van's number plate, so we might yet see a result from it. I have, however, told him not to get his hopes up, as an over-stretched constabulary may not consider the matter serious, insofar as he is neither badly injured or dead.
 I have sympathy. I only ride my bike to school and back- less than 10
minutes, and in an almost straight line- and I've been subject to harassment and near misses, mainly due to car drivers thinking they can just "slip past", either ignorant or careless that it takes only a small pothole or wobble to put me under their wheels or over the bonnet.  So please, guys. I know you're in a hurry, I know you've had a long day- you may even have had a long bad day- but please don't take risks with a cyclist, no matter how much they're annoying you. A misjudgement on your part can injure or kill someone on a bike frighteningly easily, and there will be no excuse for it on you part. That person who is unwittingly such a nuisance to you is probably someone' s wife or husband or daughter or son. It might be my son. So, take a deep breath. And be patient.